The treatment of Venita continued. A number of diagnostic tests have been done & some are yet to be done. Blood tests so far have not indicated much except that she is highly diabetic. Neha came. On 22nd came to know about the death of Venita's mother at about 1100 hours. She had been in the hospital for over two weeks now.She was taken home for a couple of days in between but had to be rushed back to the hospital as she felt uncomfortable in breathing. She was over 85 years. She lived a full life with even most of her grand-children getting married. She also had a number of great grand-children. Venita was quite upset.I talked to Dr.Varshney to release Venita from the hospital so that we could go to Allahabad for funeral of her mother. But the only flight to Allahabad had already gone at about 1pm & by train we would not have reached the funeral. We had to be satisfied by prayers for peace to the departed soul. I have not come across a lady who was so accomplished and had love for all and malice towards none as my mother -in-law. She was loving and caring, always spoke good of all. I never heard her talking ill of anyone. She had milk of human kindness for all. We decided to attend the ceremonies on the 13th day. In fact Venita had stayed with her mother from 6th May to 14th May for 8 days. She had gone to Allahabad on 6th when we got the information about her mother's illness early morning. She would have continued to stay there but for her sickness from 11th onwards. She had fever all these days & on return from there had to be admitted in RML hospital on 20th to 24th May.
On 23rd had a conference at Sainik Farms in connection with Frigoglass case. The mother of Mr. Mathur,IAS(Retired), is putting up in the adjacent room of the nursing home for treatment. He is a 1971 batch officer of J&k cadre. Neha came. In fact she is coming everyday to visit us. Subhash came. On 24th after release of Venita from the RML hospital,went to Chandigarh in connection with Frigoglass case. Attended the High Court of Punjab & Haryana on 25th.The case is adjourned to 27th July.Bought tickets on 26th to go to Allahabad on 2nd June and return on 3rd June after attending 13th day ceremonies of Late mother-in-law.
It is Buddha Purnima on 27th. The Buddha was born, enlightened and attained Nirvan on this day.
All the days between 21st to 31st May have been hectic,depressing & trying. We have put up with the stress & have now to pursue further investigation of Venita in AIIMS for Mitotic Leision in her right breast.The two chest experts who examined her right breast at RML hospital, told my daughter-in-law,Neha, that there was nothing much to worry. They further suggested that we should get her examined in AIIMS also. Venita brushed aside their observation on the ground that they were quite young and could not be relied upon in view of cet scan and mamography of the chest reports which pointed to existence of some suspicious growth. We therefore cannot be reticent and have to get Venita thoroughly examined in AIIMS. However there is no hurry and we can do it as soon as possible after ascertaining the name of most qualified Consultant in the area.
Received a mail on 28th from Barun regarding surrender of .38 revolver of his late father to the Kote of Alwar on the orders of DM. I felt quite bad about it. I got intrigued in late 70s when Barun got the order for transfer of the weapon to him against a license issued by the DM Alwar. The thought came into my mind as to how Barun could get a prohibited bore weapon transferred to himself. But as he got a license for it I had no alternative but to give it to him. After over 30 years the DM realized his mistake and rejected his prayer for extension of license anymore and directed him to deposit the same. Had he got a regular license for the weapon, even if it was of prohibited bore or subsequently became prohibited, the DM could not refuse extension of the license as per the existing rules.But as the permission to hold a prohibited bore weapon against a license for non prohibited bore was irregular since inception, it could not be extended further after it was noticed by the DM Alwar.The mistake was of his predecessor which could not be continued anymore. I wrote the following letter to Sh.Barun Verma in reply to his aforesaid letter.
"Dear Barun,
It is good you have deposited the weapon. I had a premonition as late as when I gave the weapon to you in late 70s. It had come to my mind that you could not hold it as it was a prohibited bore weapon. But then I saw you very sanguine to own it. I had thought that if I disagreed to its transfer to you, I would be misunderstood as if I was refusing to give your late father's weapon to you. Hence I agreed to its transfer to you.
I took up the renewal of your license of .38 revolver with Rajasthan Govt. through the DGP. I succeeded in it & the DM Alwar was directed to renew it.But as the permission to hold a prohibited bore weapon against a non prohibited bore license by the DM was void abinitio, it could not be renewed. The irregularity was detected quite late and there was no alternative for the DM but to withdraw the license and direct you to deposit it as you were not entitled to hold it.I fought a long battle and won it too. But ultimately had to surrender as I lost the moral ground.
Anyway all is well, that ends well. Althouth it will be tough to get it back to Delhi Police musuem in memory of your late father, but I will try to retrieve it as best as I can.I will keep you informed about the progress in this effort."
The lesson, learnt from the above episode is that we should not try to obtain things to which we are not entitled to. The cat is out of the bag invariably one day or the other and there is no way to bring it back. Although I will still try to bring the weapon to the Delhi Police museum so that it is exhibited there,but it is going to be tough job.As I have pursued tough tasks in my life, let there be one more.
The weapon belonged to late SC Varma,IPS,my father-in-law and Barun's father,held by him against a valid license.I could get it transferred to my name after his death with the concurrence of all his legal heirs as I was then an IPS officer and could hold it validly.None of his children could take it as it was a prohibited bore weapon and only Police officers and Armed forces officers could take it or others could also take if they could get a valid license from the MHA,Govt. of India. Generally the license for prohibited bore weapons are not given to members of the public unless there is a reasonable justification for the same.
On 29th after a good deal of effort got the appointment with Dr.AK Agarwal of RML Hospital on 31st May. On 30th Geeta came along with her husband and son. Munna had come on 28th. We had lunch together. All of them left in the evening.
On 31st May met Dr.AK Agarwal at 10.30 am. He prescribed some medicines. We are impressed by the pragmatic approach of Dr.Agarwal in eliciting information from the patient. He would like the patient to narrate her/his problems. He would not like him/her to beat about a bush and then prescribe the medicines. He cured Venita of diabetic diarrhea in December 2009. After that she developed heavy levels of blood sugar. We took the treatment of Dr. BB Gupta of the same hospital. We showed his prescription as well as the prescription of Dr. Godpyle of nursing home of RML hospital. After perusing both the prescriptions as well as his prescription given after release from RML hospital in Dec.09, he gave a new prescription. Quite often I face a problem of getting prescribed medicines from CGHS dispensary. Instead I am given their substitutes. Sometime the CGHS dispensary combines 2 prescribed medicines and gives only one medicine in lieu thereof. I mentioned this problem to Dr. AK Agarwal. He told me to tell the Dr. concerned to talk to him in this connection. I will do the same.Talked to Abhishree. She told me that after a long time her house was empty. For over a month she had a cousin sister of her mother and Mishty staying with her. Nobody wants emptiness. How can little grand-daughter like it? Human nature is peculiar. When there are people around, we feel sometimes as to when they will leave. But when they are gone we feel their absence. Even otherwise we feel empty inside unless we have learnt the technique of keeping our equilibrium and constant awareness. Vipassana helps us in this.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
1st to 20th May
On 1st Dr.Kothary of Safdarjang injected my left elbow. I had been having a lot of pain in it. On 2nd had a conference with KTS at Sainik Farms in the matter of Frigoglass case. On 3rd had a long walk along with Sanjaya Sahu in the 17 Sector Market, near Taj hotel at Chandigarh. It is situated in a non-residential area and is the biggest market of Chandigarh. There are only offices and hotels nearby. Had a Dera thaly in Dera restaurant of Taj. Curiously there was no thaly. On return to Delhi Sanjaya excused himself & left me to wait for my baggage. I felt intrigued. He never behaved like this ever earlier. Later I asked him, why he went before my baggage came. He told in a forthright manner that he had an uncontrollable urge to go to toilet. We laughed together. We should not imagine anything adverse against anybody unless we check on it. Consulted Dr.Bashishtha on 5th, an ENT Specialist of RML Hospital. Venita has been having pain in the neck. He advised X-ray & prescribed some medicines. Came to know that my mother-in-law has been hospitalized at about 0245 hours on 6th. Venita left for Allahabad by Kalka mail at 0700 hours the same day.Voted for Sh.Jethmalani,Sr.Advocate, in the SCBA elections on 7th. He won. Attended executive committee meeting of the Arunodaya housing society at Vikaspuri on 8th. It was resolved to authorize the general secretary to inform the police and take their help when a resident attempted to start an unauthorized construction. Conveyed best wishes to my mother-in-law on Mother's day on 9th. She was in the hospital. Appeared in the case of Sh. DM Sharma in CAT on 10th. Met the new AGM SBI PBB. Sarvashree Dijvijay Singh and Sh. KN Agnihotri, both advocates from Fatehpur called on. On 11th I found I was unable to fold my left leg to sit in Bajra Asan. It is an Asan which I have been using over decades for doing some other Asans. I felt quite dejected. Attended the case of Sh. DM Sharma in CAT. The Govt. advocate was in no mood to argue the case. He sought an adjournment. Sh.Raju who is heading the bench of the CAT is hard hitting and I noticed that he would not tolerate beating about the bush by the advocates.The Govt. advocate took the plea of non availability of the file of the case with him as the ground for adjournment. Attended DM Sharma's case on 12th too. Today the Govt. advocate took a different strategy. He did not appear and a pass over was taken by his clerk. Later the case did not reach the board before 1300 hours. The case was again adjourned. We started transferring all the emails to Microsoft outlook, with a view to workout a system of reminders on old mails. Sh.Digvijay Singh, Advocate, came and had lunch with me. Gave him 4 copies of Vipassana II to be given to Sarvashree Dr.Chetan Kapoor, Karuna Shankar Mishra, and Naresh Chandra Srivastava at Fatehpur. I gave him also a copy of it.On 14th Venita returned from Allahabad.Prayagraj train was late by over an hour. Visited Safdarjang hospital. Dr.Kothary advised wax bath to my knees and some exercises. Venita developed high fever on 15th. Had to call Dr. AK Lal. Dr. Harsh Khanna who lives in our society said that he could not come when I 1st rang him up to come to look up Venita. Attended the marriage of grand daughter of Dr.BP Saraf, retired Chief Justice of J&K. Met Sh.RP Sinha,Sharad Gupta & their families. Dr. Sharaf's children also met. We met after a long gap of many years. All are changed and some are beyond recognition. So is the impact of time .Everything is changing fast every moment. We notice it when we see after a gap of time. On 16th attended the wedding of Gaurav's sister and returned at 0020 hours on 17th. Showed Venita to Dr.Lamba,a junior to Dr. BB Gupta, Head of the Medicine Department. He said that there was some congestion in the right lung and advised a chest X-ray and hemogram. On 18th had wax bath of my knees in the physiotherapy center at Sanatan Dharam Mandir, Vikaspuri.On 19th Showed the chest X-ray & hemogram reports to Dr.Lamba, who advised hospitalization of Venita for detailed investigation. Dr. AK Agarwal wrote a slip to Dr.Gorbole incharge nursing home RML. Sh.Surendra Mohan,registrar of the Post Graduate Institute of RML spoke to Dr.Gorbole for admitting my wife in the nursing home.Suggested some changes to Sh.Pramod Verma in reply to the application in Hitika Vs. Vikram Verma case. On 20th Venita was admitted in the RML and her investigations started. I spent much of my time with her. As She did not need a permanent attendant,I returned Vikaspuri and had wax bath on my knees.Retired to sleep at 2300 hours.
8th to 30th April
On return from Fatehpur I came to know that Venita was quite sanguine to have a dip in the Ganges at Haridwar on 14th April, the last day of Mahakumbh. I spoke to the DGP Uttarakhand and SSP Haridwar to help her and her entourage so that they could have a dip in the Ganges on the 14th April. They , however, did not commit for any specific assistance. We also did not want to engage their men in an unnecessary manner.
I discussed with Pilku about informative & instructive mails sent by me to him and others who have consented for the same. He suggested that not more than two mails be sent per day. It became difficult to read so many of them at a time. It is a good suggestion & I will try to follow it as far as possible.
I have taken three Godrej air conditioners. One of them was bought by me in 2004. I have spent over Rs.7,000/- so far on its maintenance. This year I thought of getting it checked up by Godrej itself as it has not been giving me good service. They did send their maintenance staff, but they told that it could not be repaired as the spares such as condenser of the 2004 model of one and half ton AC were not available. They instead suggested to sell it off and buy a new one. They wanted to suggest a ready buyer for it. I told them to hold on. Then I sent emails to Godrej, but to my surprise no reply has come till today. In fact I tried to contact them at their Customer Care number, but without any success. I gave up and requested Sh. DK Rastogi, known to me for over a decade, who takes contracts for electrical works. He has got it repaired. I paid a sum of Rs. 4,300/- in addition to Rs. 7000/- already spent earlier. I could start using it from mid May only. Somehow the customer care service of Indian as well as multinational companies is not upto the mark. We have to see as to what we can do to improve it in our country.
Sh.DK Rastogi sent his engineer Sh. Sunil Chaudhary for rectification of some electrical faults. In fact even after power went off AC continue to take power from the inverter which could not bear it and tripped. Sh. Chaudhary after working for over 2-3 hours removed the electrical fault. Now the AC does not remain on even when the power has gone.The inverter is cut out from power.I thanked Sh.DK Rastogi for the help.
Pilku came on 11th.He will go to Kabul on 12th. My younger sister came to our house on 12th and had dinner. Ruchi and grand children also came from Goa after holiday of 10 days.My younger sister and her elder son Amrish could met them also. On 13th I took my grandchildren to Janakpuri city center where they had ice-cream in Barista. In Wordsworth, a book, toy & gift shop, I told them to buy any number of books they liked, but no toys please. I bought them books worth about Rs. 1250/- . The younger grand daughter Amolikaa wanted to buy a pencil set. I said today was the day for buying books. She could buy anything next day. The grand children had bought the toys worth about Rs.2000/- at Palam Airport after their arrival from Goa on 12th.Amolikaa is just a little over 4 years. She started crying for the pencil box. I wish I could have bent and bought her the same. But I did not bend. Later after they left for London I felt quite bad. Even today I am feeling bad. I will carry the pencil box to her to London when I go there in June.
Due to volcanic ash from Iceland over the European sky Ruchi and grand children could not go to London on 17th and were stranded till 21st. I got some more time to spend with them. As a result I have not written my diary from 17th to 21st. Ruchi and grand children left on 22nd after lot of effort by quite a few people. Ultimately it was Ruchi who managed the departure. She is pro active , intelligent and dynamic. An assertive personality. Pilku left for London on 23rd.
Venita's temperature went over 102C on 25th (Sunday). Requested Dr. Khanna to come. On 27th visited RML hospital and met Dr.BB Gupta who examined her and prescribed medicines for her. Dr.BB Gupta himself is diabetic. When I rang him up today (20th May), he could recognize me and apologized. It is common with diabetics.On 29th I rang up to talk to Babua at about 1530 hours to tell him that I was taking Vanilla ice cream,his favorite. He also takes vanilla ice cream at 1530 hours everyday. My daughter-in-law told him to say "jai jai" to me. He was watching 'Bhim' Cartoon. He did not pay any attention to his mother. On her insistence he said in a rough way 'kya', in the same tone in which Silku would have said when he was of Babua's age. 'Bhim' is his favorite cartoon film. He did not want to be disturbed. I liked his one pointed attention.It will help him in understanding life in a better way. Concentration of mind is important for understanding anything.
I discussed with Pilku about informative & instructive mails sent by me to him and others who have consented for the same. He suggested that not more than two mails be sent per day. It became difficult to read so many of them at a time. It is a good suggestion & I will try to follow it as far as possible.
I have taken three Godrej air conditioners. One of them was bought by me in 2004. I have spent over Rs.7,000/- so far on its maintenance. This year I thought of getting it checked up by Godrej itself as it has not been giving me good service. They did send their maintenance staff, but they told that it could not be repaired as the spares such as condenser of the 2004 model of one and half ton AC were not available. They instead suggested to sell it off and buy a new one. They wanted to suggest a ready buyer for it. I told them to hold on. Then I sent emails to Godrej, but to my surprise no reply has come till today. In fact I tried to contact them at their Customer Care number, but without any success. I gave up and requested Sh. DK Rastogi, known to me for over a decade, who takes contracts for electrical works. He has got it repaired. I paid a sum of Rs. 4,300/- in addition to Rs. 7000/- already spent earlier. I could start using it from mid May only. Somehow the customer care service of Indian as well as multinational companies is not upto the mark. We have to see as to what we can do to improve it in our country.
Sh.DK Rastogi sent his engineer Sh. Sunil Chaudhary for rectification of some electrical faults. In fact even after power went off AC continue to take power from the inverter which could not bear it and tripped. Sh. Chaudhary after working for over 2-3 hours removed the electrical fault. Now the AC does not remain on even when the power has gone.The inverter is cut out from power.I thanked Sh.DK Rastogi for the help.
Pilku came on 11th.He will go to Kabul on 12th. My younger sister came to our house on 12th and had dinner. Ruchi and grand children also came from Goa after holiday of 10 days.My younger sister and her elder son Amrish could met them also. On 13th I took my grandchildren to Janakpuri city center where they had ice-cream in Barista. In Wordsworth, a book, toy & gift shop, I told them to buy any number of books they liked, but no toys please. I bought them books worth about Rs. 1250/- . The younger grand daughter Amolikaa wanted to buy a pencil set. I said today was the day for buying books. She could buy anything next day. The grand children had bought the toys worth about Rs.2000/- at Palam Airport after their arrival from Goa on 12th.Amolikaa is just a little over 4 years. She started crying for the pencil box. I wish I could have bent and bought her the same. But I did not bend. Later after they left for London I felt quite bad. Even today I am feeling bad. I will carry the pencil box to her to London when I go there in June.
Due to volcanic ash from Iceland over the European sky Ruchi and grand children could not go to London on 17th and were stranded till 21st. I got some more time to spend with them. As a result I have not written my diary from 17th to 21st. Ruchi and grand children left on 22nd after lot of effort by quite a few people. Ultimately it was Ruchi who managed the departure. She is pro active , intelligent and dynamic. An assertive personality. Pilku left for London on 23rd.
Venita's temperature went over 102C on 25th (Sunday). Requested Dr. Khanna to come. On 27th visited RML hospital and met Dr.BB Gupta who examined her and prescribed medicines for her. Dr.BB Gupta himself is diabetic. When I rang him up today (20th May), he could recognize me and apologized. It is common with diabetics.On 29th I rang up to talk to Babua at about 1530 hours to tell him that I was taking Vanilla ice cream,his favorite. He also takes vanilla ice cream at 1530 hours everyday. My daughter-in-law told him to say "jai jai" to me. He was watching 'Bhim' Cartoon. He did not pay any attention to his mother. On her insistence he said in a rough way 'kya', in the same tone in which Silku would have said when he was of Babua's age. 'Bhim' is his favorite cartoon film. He did not want to be disturbed. I liked his one pointed attention.It will help him in understanding life in a better way. Concentration of mind is important for understanding anything.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
26th March to 7th April: Visit to Fatehpur
I left for my home town Fatehpur on 26th March. Arrived on 27th morning. During my stay at Fatehpur I helped Bhawna disability institute in organizing its governing body. I held a meeting in my house with eminent people of the town for the purpose.
My father's punya Tithi(Saptami)fell on 5th April. I organized a havan in the house in which I invited some friends and local relations. Shivmohan, the caretaker of the house, distributed Prasad to all the children of the Pani school where I completed my formal education upto 4th standard. It is located in front of my house.
On return from Fatehpur I addressed the following letter to the SP, DM for taking interest in the development of Yusuf and Dar club:
"Dear Sh.Garg,
Please refer to our discussions at Fatehpur on 3rd April at your residence regarding the deplorable condition of Dar Pavilion and Yusuf Club. I could not meet the DM,Fatehpur.
While walking on the roads of Fatehpur, passing Yusuf Club and Dar Pavilion, during my last stay at Fatehpur from 27th March to 6th April 2010, I noticed their pitiable condition. I was reminded of my student days when we were especially allowed to play tennis, cricket and football in the fields of the clubs. I remembered that we used to rub shoulders with Sh.Prakash Krishna, the then District Magistrate and Sh.Aga ,the then Superintendant of Police while playing football and cricket. Regular league tournaments used to take place in which our college team always participated. I met Sh.VA Man Singh, son of Late Man Singh, the first Deputy Inspector General of Police of India, also at Fatehpur. He also wailed over the condition of the clubs as also total lack of social life at Fatehpur. He was a regular player and joined in all their social activities. His mobile number is 09795883959.
At Dar Pavilion I found heavy vehicles and other equipments, probably belonging to the PWD. The building was locked and wild growth of grass had totally covered it .It’s residents were pigeons. I felt quite sad and reminiscent. It is situated just behind the official residence of the District Magistrate, Fatehpur. I think that there is complete renouncement of all sports activities as most of the IAS and IPS Officers do not take interest in them and perhaps are happy with files.
I studied upto 12th at Fatehpur and thereafter in the University of Allahabad. After a tenure of 2 years as a lecturer-in-law, I joined the Indian Police service in 1964 and retired in 1997 as Director General of Police. Now I am practicing Law. I visit Fatehpur at least twice in a year to take care of my ancestral house which we renovating for charitable use.
I request you to kindly take steps and discuss with the District Magistrate, Fatehpur for restoration of Dar Pavilion and Yusuf Club to their pristine glory once again."
New Delhi
15-04-10
Sh.Vijay Garg,
The Superintendent of Police
Fatehpur,UP Yours sincerely
Copy to 1) The DM Fatehpur
2) Sh. VA Man Singh
The Mann Bhawan,Fatehpur."
I also planned out renovation of my ancestral house so that it can be used for some charitable purpose. A part of it is already renovated.
My father's punya Tithi(Saptami)fell on 5th April. I organized a havan in the house in which I invited some friends and local relations. Shivmohan, the caretaker of the house, distributed Prasad to all the children of the Pani school where I completed my formal education upto 4th standard. It is located in front of my house.
On return from Fatehpur I addressed the following letter to the SP, DM for taking interest in the development of Yusuf and Dar club:
"Dear Sh.Garg,
Please refer to our discussions at Fatehpur on 3rd April at your residence regarding the deplorable condition of Dar Pavilion and Yusuf Club. I could not meet the DM,Fatehpur.
While walking on the roads of Fatehpur, passing Yusuf Club and Dar Pavilion, during my last stay at Fatehpur from 27th March to 6th April 2010, I noticed their pitiable condition. I was reminded of my student days when we were especially allowed to play tennis, cricket and football in the fields of the clubs. I remembered that we used to rub shoulders with Sh.Prakash Krishna, the then District Magistrate and Sh.Aga ,the then Superintendant of Police while playing football and cricket. Regular league tournaments used to take place in which our college team always participated. I met Sh.VA Man Singh, son of Late Man Singh, the first Deputy Inspector General of Police of India, also at Fatehpur. He also wailed over the condition of the clubs as also total lack of social life at Fatehpur. He was a regular player and joined in all their social activities. His mobile number is 09795883959.
At Dar Pavilion I found heavy vehicles and other equipments, probably belonging to the PWD. The building was locked and wild growth of grass had totally covered it .It’s residents were pigeons. I felt quite sad and reminiscent. It is situated just behind the official residence of the District Magistrate, Fatehpur. I think that there is complete renouncement of all sports activities as most of the IAS and IPS Officers do not take interest in them and perhaps are happy with files.
I studied upto 12th at Fatehpur and thereafter in the University of Allahabad. After a tenure of 2 years as a lecturer-in-law, I joined the Indian Police service in 1964 and retired in 1997 as Director General of Police. Now I am practicing Law. I visit Fatehpur at least twice in a year to take care of my ancestral house which we renovating for charitable use.
I request you to kindly take steps and discuss with the District Magistrate, Fatehpur for restoration of Dar Pavilion and Yusuf Club to their pristine glory once again."
New Delhi
15-04-10
Sh.Vijay Garg,
The Superintendent of Police
Fatehpur,UP Yours sincerely
Copy to 1) The DM Fatehpur
2) Sh. VA Man Singh
The Mann Bhawan,Fatehpur."
I also planned out renovation of my ancestral house so that it can be used for some charitable purpose. A part of it is already renovated.
15th to 25th March
I could not write blog regularly from 15th to 25th March. I visited Chandigarh for hearing in the High Court of Punjab & Haryana on 15th & 16th March. Venita's eye test was done on 19th March. Instead of going through the chronology of tests done in Venita's eyes by Dr. Dinesh Talwar of Center for Sight, questions were put to me about the same which I could not answer. The Doctor could have gone through the recordings in the computer and found it out. But you cannot tell this to Doctors in India.You may annoy them. As your eye sight is in their hands, you cannot take the risk. they can be quite tricky. I promised to prepare a list of dates incorporating different tests done by him. The doctors, in fact all of us in professions, are highly egoist.
After I returned from Vipassana center on 14th March, I have been irregular in engaging myself in Vipassana meditation .The reason is just laziness & nothing else.
Babua will be going to school for formal education. He is three and half years. Venita organized some pooja in which he and Neha also joined. We started going to school for formal education at six. Things have changed and children are now sent to school much earlier.
Discussed DM Sharma's case with an intern who researched in it. It's hearing is fixed on 25th March. DM Sharma has worked under me. I feel that he is being denied promotion wrongly. So I have become one of the advocates appearing for him in the CAT. On 25th when the case came up for hearing ,the advocate for the respondents took adjournment.
After I returned from Vipassana center on 14th March, I have been irregular in engaging myself in Vipassana meditation .The reason is just laziness & nothing else.
Babua will be going to school for formal education. He is three and half years. Venita organized some pooja in which he and Neha also joined. We started going to school for formal education at six. Things have changed and children are now sent to school much earlier.
Discussed DM Sharma's case with an intern who researched in it. It's hearing is fixed on 25th March. DM Sharma has worked under me. I feel that he is being denied promotion wrongly. So I have become one of the advocates appearing for him in the CAT. On 25th when the case came up for hearing ,the advocate for the respondents took adjournment.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Vipassana II
VIPASSANA II
Earlier I attended the Vipassana course from 4th -15th March 2009 and sent you a day by day account of it.It is also published in my Blog (http://dns-reflections.blogspot.com).I received only one comment from a person, probably from Russia. Some of my batch mates told me that they had read the note and liked it but did not give any comment.
I attended the second course from 3rd -14th March 2010, after 1 year.Day wise additional notes are given below on the second Vipassana course. It is also published in my blog. I have avoided repetition and written only those details which are not included in the 1st note and are noted by me during the 2nd course.
03.03.10,Wednesday : Reached Vipassana Center, Rahka village, Sohna at about 4 pm after a drive of about one and half hour from Vikaspuri. From near Rajiv Chowk on Gurgaon road, talked to Neha, my daughter in law, informing her that I won’t be able to drop in as I had to reach the center by 4 pm. Filled up the form for old students. An old student is one who has done at least one 10 day course earlier. At 6.15 pm they gave us dinner, comprising of khichdi and tea. A very detailed briefing was given, much more detailed than given on 04-03-09,when I attended the course last year. The highlight of the briefing was that when one student asked the person, who had finished briefing, to introduce himself, he simply said “I am a Dhamma sevak”. I was impressed by the answer which was simple and shorn of ego. At 8 pm the course started with a brief taped address by Sh.Goenkaji. He asked us to observe he respiration as it comes and goes touching the nostrils ,inners of the nose and at the time of exhalation on the triangular portion over the upper lip. It continued upto 9 pm. We retired to sleep at 9.15 pm in a cozy room with no mosquitoes, clean linen and toilet. We have to use our own towel, soap, slippers etc. Only basic things are provided. I bought the lock, an All-Out ,a mosquito repellant, and four mineral water bottles. Almost all the students are taking water supplied at the Center. I did not want to take the risk of a bad stomach.
04.03.10,Thursday : A Dhamma Sevak woke us up ringing bells outside the rooms. A big bang had however gone earlier at 4 am. All of us were in Dhamma hall at 4.25 am. Goenkaji in his taped voice insisted upon watching the breath and bringing the mind to it. The mind often wandered away from the breath. This exercise, coupled with recitations of Buddha’s teachings/words in Pali at the beginning of each group meditation session and ending with ‘BHABAT SABYA MANGALAM’, repeated thrice, continued, followed by recitation by us ‘Sadhu,Sadhu,Sadhu’. It was explained to us that recitation of Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu by us was in acceptance of the fact that good work had been/was done. We were given a break of 5 minutes at the end of each hour. Breakfast was served at 6.30 am. At 8 am we had group meditation when everyone had to join. In sessions beginning 9 to 10 am, old students were asked to meditate in Shunyagar (cells in Pagoda). The cells are small rooms of the size of 6 by 5 feet, especially devised and used by monks in the olden times in the Pagoda, a magnificent building of Buddist architecture. It is a circular building with rows of number of rooms. At 11 we had lunch, vegetarian , delicious. Again from 1 to 2.30 pm we meditated in the Dhamma hall or we could do it in cells of Pagoda. From 2.30 to 3.30 pm another group meditation took place in which all of us joined in together in Dhamma hall. From 3.30 to 5 pm old students had meditation in cells of Pagoda and new students in Dhamma hall. When Venita, my wife, attended 10 day course last year she did not go to cells of Pagoda.She said she was scared of sitting in cell type of rooms when new students were also given a chance to meditate there at a later stage of the course. Instead she continued meditating in the Dhamma hall. Again there was a group meditation from 6 to 7 pm followed by a discourse by Goenkaji from 7.10 pm to 8.20 pm. We sat for meditation from 8.30 to 9 pm. One could clarify doubts from the assistant teacher from 9 to 9.30 pm and earlier from 12 am to 12.30 pm. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
05.03.10,Friday : The program was as on 04/03/10. Goenkaji told to specifically watch the breath in the rectangular portion over the upper lip. The touch of breath over the upper lip becomes thinner & thinner in due course. We should be able to watch it how-so-ever thin it becomes. It may become like a thread or may disappear for sometime. It is necessary to ensure that we do not lose sight of it. If you lose sight you may take a few hard breaths and again try to reclaim it. He further said that to keep track of the touch of breath over the upper lip, if necessary we may continue taking some hard breaths, for a minute or so. It’s awareness is the most important. We very often lose sight of it due to wandering mind. We have to bring it back to the breath. Mind can be brought back to behave as a wild elephant can be trained to behave. It is much more powerful than the elephant. Once brought under control it can lead us to the truth, the ultimate truth, the Dhamma, the law of nature. Continuous efforts are necessary to train it by watching over the breath. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
06.03.10,Saturday : Today’s program was the same as given above. Goenkaji said that we should try to find out if there were any sensations on the triangular portion between the upper lip and nostrils. If we did not get sensations we should continue to watch the breath. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
07.03.10,Sunday : Today’s program was the same as before.Goenkaji said that in order to advance in Vipassana meditation it was necessary to feel the sensations on the triangular portion between the upper lip and nostrils. Efforts should continue.The exercise of watching the breath and sensations was meant to increase our awareness of the body so that we experienced that every part of it was vibrating. It was to realize the truth that there was nothing solid in the body but only vibrations to reach the ultimate truth and finally the liberation.
In the afternoon Goenkaji gave us the 1st exercise of Vipassana. Vipassana means “Vishesh Roop se Dekhna” (To Watch in a Special Manner). In seeing so, the exercise begins with watching each part of the body. It starts with the head, Sahastrar or Bramhand, gradually goes to the different parts of the face, then to the shoulders, to the throat, to the chest, to the stomach, to the abdomen, to the thighs, legs and feet, to the waist, to the back, and neck. It has to be done in the above sequence or any other sequence but not haphazardly. The eyes have to remain closed, back and neck straight, hands and legs unmoved for the period of Adhisthan (determination) for at least one complete hour. In the process of watching the different parts we feel the sensations. Once we have seen/felt them, we should proceed ahead. The one such exercise from head to feet may be done in about 10 minutes. We do feel the gross sensations, such as pain etc., but not the subtle ones. Our object is to see/feel the subtle sensations. The theory is that every part of the body is vibrating. Our mind should be sharp enough to feel these vibrations. The vibrations are the result of continuous combustion and destruction of atoms which make our body. The cells (atoms) are always being created and destroyed at very high speed. The speed is so high that we don’t feel it as we don’t feel the speed of Earth moving in its axis. As we grow old the process of creation of cells is less and destruction is more leading to cessation of life. The purpose of experiencing the sensations is to see how the vibrations due to process of combustion and destruction/creation and destruction appear and disappear, their impermanence and that they are changing all the time. There is no place for Rag (Pleasures), Dwesh (Displeasures) and Moh (Attachment) in our life. They are the cause of our miseries/pain/suffering. We experience this after Vipassana. The knowledge is experienced and not textual or as told by someone else. It is retained by the mind which develops an attitude of non-reaction and action only as per law of nature and Dhamma. Unethical behavior is against law of nature. It is bound to cause suffering, pain and misery. Ethical behavior will cause happiness and welfare to all. The observance of Panchsheel is the bedrock of success in Vipassana meditation. Retired to sleep at 9.30 p.m.
08.03.10,Monday : Continued Vipassana meditation according to the time schedule.Goenkaji insisted on meditation in one position without movement for one full hour at least during group meditation hours: 8-9 am, then 2.30-3.30pm and 6-7pm. The pain in the legs in the sitting position should be looked upon as a sensation. As the sensation in other parts of the body come and go, the sensation of pain in ours legs will also go. These are ‘Anitya’ (Impermanent) and any Dwesh or Rag towards them will result in misery. The world is misery: The cause of misery is craving, clinging to it and attachment to our Rag, Dwesh and Moh take us to misery. Redemption from them is through eight fold path: Goal is attainment of Nirvan.
09.03.10,Tuesday : Continued Vipassana meditation as per time schedule. Today I could complete one hour Adhisthan of continuous meditation from 4.30-5.30 am. Earlier I could do upto half an hour or upto ¾ of an hour at a stretch. I find meditation is easier during early hours of the day. Goenkaji said that it could be that mind wandered more during later hours. Sometimes it becomes difficult to keep it to watch the sensations of the body and their appearance and disappearance. This proves that they are not permanent. They are changing. The phenomenon seen in our body is also seen in the outside world. Everything is changing to its ultimate destruction. The craving is the chief cause of misery. We are addicted to craving. It makes the path of Dhamma difficult by giving birth to 5 enemies : Drowsiness, Agitated mind, Rag, Dwesh and Doubt.
10.03.10,Wednesday : Continued Vipassana meditation as per schedule. I could do uninterrupted meditation in one position for one full hour from 8-9 am. Could not do it for one hour uninterrupted from 4.30-5.30 am as I did yesterday. Details of Goenkaji’s discourse about 5 friends and 5 enemies are given in my note on 11.03.09 .I am not repeating the same in this note. The entire Vipassana sadhana is based upon respiration or sensation. It is either to see/experience the breath or sensation. The knowledge of the cause of the misery of the world and of an individual lies in them. For example when a person is angry his heart beat increases and certain chemical changes take place in the blood resulting in a miserable feeling. Vipassana teaches tolerance and no reaction . In place of reaction a person should rather act after thinking over the matter and its pros and cons. It teaches equilibrium. The purpose of watching sensation or breath is to attain a state of equilibrium or Samata and get settled in it. Watching the breath for 1st three and half a days of the course is to sharpen the brain and make it focused and thereafter switch over to sensations of the body for the remaining six and a half days. If our mind is focused we experience the sensations all over the body and watch them as they appear and disappear. The process takes place due to combustion and destruction of atomic particles of which our body is made of. The whole body vibrates due to the process of combustion and destruction of cells. The same processes are seen in outside world. As this process goes on we watch it and find that vibrations are changing at every fraction of moment. There is no need to like or dislike them as they are changing to their ultimate destruction. Gross pains, easily discernible can be made tools of Vipassana. They will also change. There is nothing permanent. It is the law of impermanence. Only Dhamma remains and is permanent. Dhamma is love , compassion , good will , sympathy and all that. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
11.03.10,Thursday : Goenkaji said that two things should never be forgotten by a Vipassana sadhak : 1) Awareness ,2) Equanimity. Awareness is of sensations in the body and equanimity is to remain free from craving, clinging to it and other attachments. There should be no rag, dwesh and moh. These lead to misery.Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
12.03.10,Friday : Goenkaji told about ‘Bhang gyan’, a state of body in which there are only vibrations and energy . You can pierce through the body by your mind and experience sensations inside it keeping equanimity. It is the last stage of Vipassana when mind becomes so sharp that if you touch a part of the body by a finger, sensations (vibrations) appear. Body is vibrations. Once this realization comes there is no scope for cravings. You see atoms in the body creating , destroying , combustion and explosion, production and spending. In this state, old sensations appear in the form of cravings, try to create Rag and Dwesh. By keeping perfect equanimity ,these too can also be destroyed and when no new sensations are created (by virtue of equanimity) and old sensations are destroyed, one is liberated. There is no rebirth. It is the deepest sanskar which drags you to a new form of being. The energy moves to another being after the death guided by the deepest sanskar. But once there are no sanskars, there is no birth. One may achieve this state of mind in this birth or may have to take a few more births to reach the liberation from birth, from misery which is this world. One has to work very hard to achieve this. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm .
13.03.10,Saturday : During an earlier discourse Goenkaji told to remain aware while doing various jobs. It is to watch the sensations at that time too. For example we should watch the sensation of walking to remain aware. Today he told us in detail about ‘mitta sadhana’ in which you wish all well, you wish them happiness, love, compassion and good will. After ‘mitta sadhana’ we broke ‘maun’. I met the two Colombian girl sadhaks, one Canadian film student sadhak, one Russian animation artist sadhak and another Russian lady sadhak, one Australian business man sadhak, one Chinese from Singapore and an Israeli sadhak, all from overseas and some others from different parts of India. Goenkaji said that when mind is wandering much and we are unable to bring it back to sensations of the body , we may start ‘anapan’ in which breath is watched as it comes and goes as also the sensations caused by it in the triangular portion over the upper lip and between the nostrils. While watching the sensations in the body we may crisscross it . However we should continue them from head to feet and feet to head as is the usual practice in Vipassana Sadhana. Goenkaji further advised that we should do adhistan of one hour of watching the sensations in the morning and evening everyday. Group meditation also helps at least once a week.10 day course at least once every year is necessary for success in Vipassana meditation. We should also do Vipassana before going to sleep and after waking in the morning. At these timings we should watch any one prominent sensation in the body and need not do the exercise of watching sensations from head to feet and feet to head as we normally do in course of Vipassana. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
14.03.10,Sunday : Goeankaji conducted ‘mitta sadhana’ in which we pray for welfare, love, compassion, friendship, good will for all. We also pray for apologies from all and pardon all. This prayer appealed to most of us. Philips Cox (60), the Australian business man, who did meditation sitting on a chair during the course said that prayer for apologies from and to all was very effective and touching. He further said that he prayed to all those to whom he had been unjust to pardon him. After the breakfast of ‘puries,khir and halwa’ we left the Ashram.
It is our 43rd wedding Anniversary day. Yesterday my daughter in law, Neha , invited some relations and friends at Gurgaon. Venita, my wife, joined in. I could not joined as I was at Vipassana Center. In the evening two of us had dinner at Hilton hotel, Janakpuri, which became operational since last month. Retired to sleep late in the night.
Earlier I attended the Vipassana course from 4th -15th March 2009 and sent you a day by day account of it.It is also published in my Blog (http://dns-reflections.blogspot.com).I received only one comment from a person, probably from Russia. Some of my batch mates told me that they had read the note and liked it but did not give any comment.
I attended the second course from 3rd -14th March 2010, after 1 year.Day wise additional notes are given below on the second Vipassana course. It is also published in my blog. I have avoided repetition and written only those details which are not included in the 1st note and are noted by me during the 2nd course.
03.03.10,Wednesday : Reached Vipassana Center, Rahka village, Sohna at about 4 pm after a drive of about one and half hour from Vikaspuri. From near Rajiv Chowk on Gurgaon road, talked to Neha, my daughter in law, informing her that I won’t be able to drop in as I had to reach the center by 4 pm. Filled up the form for old students. An old student is one who has done at least one 10 day course earlier. At 6.15 pm they gave us dinner, comprising of khichdi and tea. A very detailed briefing was given, much more detailed than given on 04-03-09,when I attended the course last year. The highlight of the briefing was that when one student asked the person, who had finished briefing, to introduce himself, he simply said “I am a Dhamma sevak”. I was impressed by the answer which was simple and shorn of ego. At 8 pm the course started with a brief taped address by Sh.Goenkaji. He asked us to observe he respiration as it comes and goes touching the nostrils ,inners of the nose and at the time of exhalation on the triangular portion over the upper lip. It continued upto 9 pm. We retired to sleep at 9.15 pm in a cozy room with no mosquitoes, clean linen and toilet. We have to use our own towel, soap, slippers etc. Only basic things are provided. I bought the lock, an All-Out ,a mosquito repellant, and four mineral water bottles. Almost all the students are taking water supplied at the Center. I did not want to take the risk of a bad stomach.
04.03.10,Thursday : A Dhamma Sevak woke us up ringing bells outside the rooms. A big bang had however gone earlier at 4 am. All of us were in Dhamma hall at 4.25 am. Goenkaji in his taped voice insisted upon watching the breath and bringing the mind to it. The mind often wandered away from the breath. This exercise, coupled with recitations of Buddha’s teachings/words in Pali at the beginning of each group meditation session and ending with ‘BHABAT SABYA MANGALAM’, repeated thrice, continued, followed by recitation by us ‘Sadhu,Sadhu,Sadhu’. It was explained to us that recitation of Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu by us was in acceptance of the fact that good work had been/was done. We were given a break of 5 minutes at the end of each hour. Breakfast was served at 6.30 am. At 8 am we had group meditation when everyone had to join. In sessions beginning 9 to 10 am, old students were asked to meditate in Shunyagar (cells in Pagoda). The cells are small rooms of the size of 6 by 5 feet, especially devised and used by monks in the olden times in the Pagoda, a magnificent building of Buddist architecture. It is a circular building with rows of number of rooms. At 11 we had lunch, vegetarian , delicious. Again from 1 to 2.30 pm we meditated in the Dhamma hall or we could do it in cells of Pagoda. From 2.30 to 3.30 pm another group meditation took place in which all of us joined in together in Dhamma hall. From 3.30 to 5 pm old students had meditation in cells of Pagoda and new students in Dhamma hall. When Venita, my wife, attended 10 day course last year she did not go to cells of Pagoda.She said she was scared of sitting in cell type of rooms when new students were also given a chance to meditate there at a later stage of the course. Instead she continued meditating in the Dhamma hall. Again there was a group meditation from 6 to 7 pm followed by a discourse by Goenkaji from 7.10 pm to 8.20 pm. We sat for meditation from 8.30 to 9 pm. One could clarify doubts from the assistant teacher from 9 to 9.30 pm and earlier from 12 am to 12.30 pm. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
05.03.10,Friday : The program was as on 04/03/10. Goenkaji told to specifically watch the breath in the rectangular portion over the upper lip. The touch of breath over the upper lip becomes thinner & thinner in due course. We should be able to watch it how-so-ever thin it becomes. It may become like a thread or may disappear for sometime. It is necessary to ensure that we do not lose sight of it. If you lose sight you may take a few hard breaths and again try to reclaim it. He further said that to keep track of the touch of breath over the upper lip, if necessary we may continue taking some hard breaths, for a minute or so. It’s awareness is the most important. We very often lose sight of it due to wandering mind. We have to bring it back to the breath. Mind can be brought back to behave as a wild elephant can be trained to behave. It is much more powerful than the elephant. Once brought under control it can lead us to the truth, the ultimate truth, the Dhamma, the law of nature. Continuous efforts are necessary to train it by watching over the breath. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
06.03.10,Saturday : Today’s program was the same as given above. Goenkaji said that we should try to find out if there were any sensations on the triangular portion between the upper lip and nostrils. If we did not get sensations we should continue to watch the breath. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.
07.03.10,Sunday : Today’s program was the same as before.Goenkaji said that in order to advance in Vipassana meditation it was necessary to feel the sensations on the triangular portion between the upper lip and nostrils. Efforts should continue.The exercise of watching the breath and sensations was meant to increase our awareness of the body so that we experienced that every part of it was vibrating. It was to realize the truth that there was nothing solid in the body but only vibrations to reach the ultimate truth and finally the liberation.
In the afternoon Goenkaji gave us the 1st exercise of Vipassana. Vipassana means “Vishesh Roop se Dekhna” (To Watch in a Special Manner). In seeing so, the exercise begins with watching each part of the body. It starts with the head, Sahastrar or Bramhand, gradually goes to the different parts of the face, then to the shoulders, to the throat, to the chest, to the stomach, to the abdomen, to the thighs, legs and feet, to the waist, to the back, and neck. It has to be done in the above sequence or any other sequence but not haphazardly. The eyes have to remain closed, back and neck straight, hands and legs unmoved for the period of Adhisthan (determination) for at least one complete hour. In the process of watching the different parts we feel the sensations. Once we have seen/felt them, we should proceed ahead. The one such exercise from head to feet may be done in about 10 minutes. We do feel the gross sensations, such as pain etc., but not the subtle ones. Our object is to see/feel the subtle sensations. The theory is that every part of the body is vibrating. Our mind should be sharp enough to feel these vibrations. The vibrations are the result of continuous combustion and destruction of atoms which make our body. The cells (atoms) are always being created and destroyed at very high speed. The speed is so high that we don’t feel it as we don’t feel the speed of Earth moving in its axis. As we grow old the process of creation of cells is less and destruction is more leading to cessation of life. The purpose of experiencing the sensations is to see how the vibrations due to process of combustion and destruction/creation and destruction appear and disappear, their impermanence and that they are changing all the time. There is no place for Rag (Pleasures), Dwesh (Displeasures) and Moh (Attachment) in our life. They are the cause of our miseries/pain/suffering. We experience this after Vipassana. The knowledge is experienced and not textual or as told by someone else. It is retained by the mind which develops an attitude of non-reaction and action only as per law of nature and Dhamma. Unethical behavior is against law of nature. It is bound to cause suffering, pain and misery. Ethical behavior will cause happiness and welfare to all. The observance of Panchsheel is the bedrock of success in Vipassana meditation. Retired to sleep at 9.30 p.m.
08.03.10,Monday : Continued Vipassana meditation according to the time schedule.Goenkaji insisted on meditation in one position without movement for one full hour at least during group meditation hours: 8-9 am, then 2.30-3.30pm and 6-7pm. The pain in the legs in the sitting position should be looked upon as a sensation. As the sensation in other parts of the body come and go, the sensation of pain in ours legs will also go. These are ‘Anitya’ (Impermanent) and any Dwesh or Rag towards them will result in misery. The world is misery: The cause of misery is craving, clinging to it and attachment to our Rag, Dwesh and Moh take us to misery. Redemption from them is through eight fold path: Goal is attainment of Nirvan.
09.03.10,Tuesday : Continued Vipassana meditation as per time schedule. Today I could complete one hour Adhisthan of continuous meditation from 4.30-5.30 am. Earlier I could do upto half an hour or upto ¾ of an hour at a stretch. I find meditation is easier during early hours of the day. Goenkaji said that it could be that mind wandered more during later hours. Sometimes it becomes difficult to keep it to watch the sensations of the body and their appearance and disappearance. This proves that they are not permanent. They are changing. The phenomenon seen in our body is also seen in the outside world. Everything is changing to its ultimate destruction. The craving is the chief cause of misery. We are addicted to craving. It makes the path of Dhamma difficult by giving birth to 5 enemies : Drowsiness, Agitated mind, Rag, Dwesh and Doubt.
10.03.10,Wednesday : Continued Vipassana meditation as per schedule. I could do uninterrupted meditation in one position for one full hour from 8-9 am. Could not do it for one hour uninterrupted from 4.30-5.30 am as I did yesterday. Details of Goenkaji’s discourse about 5 friends and 5 enemies are given in my note on 11.03.09 .I am not repeating the same in this note. The entire Vipassana sadhana is based upon respiration or sensation. It is either to see/experience the breath or sensation. The knowledge of the cause of the misery of the world and of an individual lies in them. For example when a person is angry his heart beat increases and certain chemical changes take place in the blood resulting in a miserable feeling. Vipassana teaches tolerance and no reaction . In place of reaction a person should rather act after thinking over the matter and its pros and cons. It teaches equilibrium. The purpose of watching sensation or breath is to attain a state of equilibrium or Samata and get settled in it. Watching the breath for 1st three and half a days of the course is to sharpen the brain and make it focused and thereafter switch over to sensations of the body for the remaining six and a half days. If our mind is focused we experience the sensations all over the body and watch them as they appear and disappear. The process takes place due to combustion and destruction of atomic particles of which our body is made of. The whole body vibrates due to the process of combustion and destruction of cells. The same processes are seen in outside world. As this process goes on we watch it and find that vibrations are changing at every fraction of moment. There is no need to like or dislike them as they are changing to their ultimate destruction. Gross pains, easily discernible can be made tools of Vipassana. They will also change. There is nothing permanent. It is the law of impermanence. Only Dhamma remains and is permanent. Dhamma is love , compassion , good will , sympathy and all that. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
11.03.10,Thursday : Goenkaji said that two things should never be forgotten by a Vipassana sadhak : 1) Awareness ,2) Equanimity. Awareness is of sensations in the body and equanimity is to remain free from craving, clinging to it and other attachments. There should be no rag, dwesh and moh. These lead to misery.Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
12.03.10,Friday : Goenkaji told about ‘Bhang gyan’, a state of body in which there are only vibrations and energy . You can pierce through the body by your mind and experience sensations inside it keeping equanimity. It is the last stage of Vipassana when mind becomes so sharp that if you touch a part of the body by a finger, sensations (vibrations) appear. Body is vibrations. Once this realization comes there is no scope for cravings. You see atoms in the body creating , destroying , combustion and explosion, production and spending. In this state, old sensations appear in the form of cravings, try to create Rag and Dwesh. By keeping perfect equanimity ,these too can also be destroyed and when no new sensations are created (by virtue of equanimity) and old sensations are destroyed, one is liberated. There is no rebirth. It is the deepest sanskar which drags you to a new form of being. The energy moves to another being after the death guided by the deepest sanskar. But once there are no sanskars, there is no birth. One may achieve this state of mind in this birth or may have to take a few more births to reach the liberation from birth, from misery which is this world. One has to work very hard to achieve this. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm .
13.03.10,Saturday : During an earlier discourse Goenkaji told to remain aware while doing various jobs. It is to watch the sensations at that time too. For example we should watch the sensation of walking to remain aware. Today he told us in detail about ‘mitta sadhana’ in which you wish all well, you wish them happiness, love, compassion and good will. After ‘mitta sadhana’ we broke ‘maun’. I met the two Colombian girl sadhaks, one Canadian film student sadhak, one Russian animation artist sadhak and another Russian lady sadhak, one Australian business man sadhak, one Chinese from Singapore and an Israeli sadhak, all from overseas and some others from different parts of India. Goenkaji said that when mind is wandering much and we are unable to bring it back to sensations of the body , we may start ‘anapan’ in which breath is watched as it comes and goes as also the sensations caused by it in the triangular portion over the upper lip and between the nostrils. While watching the sensations in the body we may crisscross it . However we should continue them from head to feet and feet to head as is the usual practice in Vipassana Sadhana. Goenkaji further advised that we should do adhistan of one hour of watching the sensations in the morning and evening everyday. Group meditation also helps at least once a week.10 day course at least once every year is necessary for success in Vipassana meditation. We should also do Vipassana before going to sleep and after waking in the morning. At these timings we should watch any one prominent sensation in the body and need not do the exercise of watching sensations from head to feet and feet to head as we normally do in course of Vipassana. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
14.03.10,Sunday : Goeankaji conducted ‘mitta sadhana’ in which we pray for welfare, love, compassion, friendship, good will for all. We also pray for apologies from all and pardon all. This prayer appealed to most of us. Philips Cox (60), the Australian business man, who did meditation sitting on a chair during the course said that prayer for apologies from and to all was very effective and touching. He further said that he prayed to all those to whom he had been unjust to pardon him. After the breakfast of ‘puries,khir and halwa’ we left the Ashram.
It is our 43rd wedding Anniversary day. Yesterday my daughter in law, Neha , invited some relations and friends at Gurgaon. Venita, my wife, joined in. I could not joined as I was at Vipassana Center. In the evening two of us had dinner at Hilton hotel, Janakpuri, which became operational since last month. Retired to sleep late in the night.
VIPASSANA III
16.03.11, Wednesday:
Arrived Sohona Dhamma Center at Rakha gaon on Ballabgarh Sohna road, district Gurgaon at 4.45pm. Completed registration formalities. I have been given room no. M-11 in block A. There is improvement in the facilities: such as tile fitted toilets, general cleanliness, cleaner linen etc. As service of tea to the visitors had finished I gave driver Thapa Rs.50/- to have it on the way. In the morning Venita attempted to persuade me to abandon the idea of going to the Center. But I told her that I was committed to Goenkaji to join at least one 10 day course every year as advised by him in his discourses. In fact I asked her to come over and join the course along with me. She said she had other commitments in connection with the management of a small temple within the premises of the society. She has done one course in 2010.
After a mini meal of Khichdi , a glass of milk and a banana at 6pm, the briefing for the course was done by a Dhamma Sevak with the help of an audio tape. I did not take khichdi as I was on ekadashi fast. Venita had given some cutlets made of sabudana, ground nuts with sendha salt. I took only a glass of milk and banana. The briefing centered round rules of the Ashram. Observance of complete silence was emphasized and other details of rules regarding our living in Ashram, were explained. After the briefing we were given seat numbers in Dhamma hall. We occupied them by 8pm. Goenkaji’s briefing started thereafter through an audiotape. He explained the process of ‘Ana Pan’, that is, incoming and outgoing breath, awareness of the same. The mind, which goes here and there has to be brought back by constant effort to the observation of the breath. The process sharpens the mind. Goenkaji advocated surrender to Buddha (Bodhi in us), Dhamma (The law of nature) and Sangha (The company of liberated individuals/saints), which were termed as 3 gems of the existence. The discourse ended at 9 pm. We retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
17.03.11, Thursday:
We started meditation at 4.30 am. Goenkaji’s discourse started at 5.50 am continued till 6.30 am. He explained as to why it was necessary to observe the breath. Breath is a bridge between body and mind. The observation of it leads to the realization of truth as also the ultimate truth. After breakfast, we had group meditation from 8am to 9am. Goenkaji further explained the process of Ana Pan. From 9 am to 10.15 am, he advised the old students (me too) to shorten the area of observation of breath over the upper lip and below nostrils. The thinner the breath (and of course awareness of it) the sharper will be the mind. But at no time we should loose sight of it. He invoked us to fulfill the 10 Parmiks regularly ( I have given details of these Parmiks in my note dated 13.03.09 on Vipassana I ). They will ultimately lead us to complete liberation from the miseries of life. In the evening discourse he again reiterated the importance of observing the breath. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm after a meditation of about 12 hours: 4.30-6.30am, 8-11am, 1-5pm, 6-9pm(including video taped discourse of Goenkaji).
18.03.11, Friday:
The same routine. Watching the breath. Today I had some pain in the waist when I got up at 4 am, but it disappeared after 4.30 am, when I started meditation. Such is the nature of these evanescent sensations. Goenkaji tells us not to react to such sensations. Observe them and slowly they will disappear. In the evening discourse Goenkaji emphasized the need to observe the breath inside the nostrils and in the area below the nostrils and above the upper lip to know about any sensations there. If there are no sensations we are advised to continue observing the breath inside the nostrils. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
19.03.11, Saturday:
The routine was as before. When I was walking to the Dhamma hall at about 8 am, I saw a peacock dancing with its multi-colored feathers in a semi circular way around itself in fullness on the roof of pagoda. The audience to the dance of the peacock consisted of two she peacocks and one peacock. The dancing peacock was at the lowest roof of the pagoda, the she peacocks were on one layer above it and another peacock on the layer just below the top of pagoda. It was misty at 8 o’clock in the morning with the light spread of about 9 watt bulb. One of the two she peacocks was watching the show with rapt attention and total infatuation and the other was trying to open her feathers to copy the peacock. She peacocks do not have large feathers. The peacock near the top of the pagoda was watching with its tilted neck, not just quite happy with the attention the dancing peacock was getting from the two she peacocks. I had to rush to Dhamma hall to join in the group meditation at 8 am. I don’t know what happened to the dancing peacock later. I got engrossed in meditation. It is said that during the dancing of the peacock a foam like substance comes out from its mouth. After it has fallen on the ground it is pecked by the she peacocks. They lay eggs for new life after sometime. I could not concentrate well in the meditation till about 11am including for about 2 hours in the allotted cell of the pagoda. In the afternoon Goenkaji advised to stop breath for half a minute and then see if there were any sensations in the area between nostrils and the upper lip. I tried this. I felt a kind of coolness which was usually not felt. In the evening discourse Goenkaji said that during Vipassana meditation, i.e., meditation for wisdom, 3 truths came to our knowledge, i) Truth of change, ii) Truth of impermanence, iii) Truth of no solidity : only waves of vibrations. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
20.03.11, Sunday :
Today is Holi. People play it with colors. Nothing here. Since yesterday I am hearing drum beats with occasional shouts of people: “Holi Hai”. Today also it continued. For good reasons we are not allowed to go outside. There is complete maun. Today as before we practiced Ana Pan, watching the breath inside the nostrils and in the are above the upper lip and below nostrils. I was unstable throughout today during the practice of Ana Pan. Later in the afternoon Goenkaji introduced us to the technique of Vipassana. He took away our mind from the area between upper lips and nostrils to watch sensations in different parts of the body. In this technique we start observation of the sensations from the top of the head (Bramhand) to entire skull, to different parts of the face, to the right shoulder to upper arm to elbow to lower arm to wrist to palm and fingertips. Thereafter we watch the sensations in the same sequence starting from the left shoulder, then from throat to the chest, to abdomen to right thigh to knee to leg to ankle to heel to fingers and with the same sequence in the left leg also. Thereafter from neck to upper back to lower back to waist and other lower parts of the body. While observing the various parts of the body we have to observe various kinds of sensations and know them. Where no sensations are seen we should stop for a minute and then go to other parts of the body as per sequence. There are sensations in every part of the body all the time. The cells of the body are creating and destroying and in the process vibrating and generating a sensation. Change is taking place every moment. There is no permanence. According to Goenkaji , this knowledge will lead us to non attachment. Change is the Dhamma and law of nature. Retired to sleep at 9.15 pm.21.03.11, Monday :
Even today the songs continued in the air keeping tempo of Holi high in the vicinity. No celebration or even talk of Holi in the Ashram. All of us are observing total silence which is called Arya maun. The routine was as usual. Vipassana meditation is practiced by all. I am now quite comfortable in its practice. The time would pass so quickly. Due to some strain in the left knee area in course of Bajra Asan at Delhi sometime back, I had to go for rehabilitation about 3 months back, take exercises and wax bath of the knees for over 2 months. There was no pain after this. But I cannot complete Adhisthan of one hour here sitting without movement due to lingering pain after half an hour in the left knee. The pain has appeared again due to sitting for about 13/14 hours in meditation. I had no problem in meditation for one hour without movement at home. But here hours are much more. I requested the teacher to allow me to sit in the chair for Adhisthan period of meditation during 3 group sittings, but he did not allow. He said I should have taken the chair at the beginning of the course as some others had done. I said I did not require it on a regular basis. Now I find it difficult to sit in one position without movement and that I wanted chair only for 3 periods during the 3 group sittings and not for other hours, but he did not allow. I had no alternative but to carry on without observing Adhisthan as ordained by Goenkaji and do it as much as I could without difficulty. He said that if he allowed me to sit on the chair for the fulfillment of Goenkaji’s command for Adhisthan, it will be tantamount to mixing water with milk. I did not understand the meaning of the proverb. In the evening discourse Goenkaji explained the four noble truths, i.e., there is misery, there is cause of misery, there is method to do away the misery and the Ashtang marg. Vipassana is technique by which anyone can get rid of misery by developing equanimity.
The teacher told on my query that there were 3 compilations of Buddha Vani. One is meant for bhikshu, the second contains sutras which are recited by Goenkaji during his briefing and discourses and the 3rd contains discourses in various matters such as kinds of minds etc. The 3rd compilation is known as Abhidhan Pitek. It gives description of details of 121 kinds of mind and 51 kinds chitta vritiyan. Goenkaji said these could broadly be grouped into four: Cognizance, Recognition, Evaluation and Reaction. We were also told to practice Vipassana from right foot and then from the left, to abdomen to chest to right hand and then left hand, and then from throat to face to head in this sequence, then from waist to back to neck, and thereafter from head to toes and toes to head. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
22.03.11, Tuesday :
The routine was as before. Unless I can observe sensations, pulsating the entire body I have not achieved what the practice should lead me to. I get the subtle sensations but not the flow of them throughout the body or part of it. However on 20th I felt a flow of warmth all over the body. In course of the discourse, Goenkaji said that there should however be no craving for a sensation. If the sensation is there in any part of the body, we should go to other parts of the body and so on so forth. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
23.03.11, Wednesday:
The routine was as before. In the discourse Goenkaji talked about five friends. Yesterday he had talked about five enemies. I have given details of these in my previous Vipassana notes of 2009 and 2010. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.24.03.11, Thursday:
The routine was as before. In his discourse, Goenkaji said that if your mind was equanimous, you were bound to feel the subtle sensations. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
25.03.11, Friday:
The routine was as usual. Today a new technique of meditation was enunciated. It is known as ‘Bhang Gyan’. In this you mentally pierce through the different parts of the body and feel the sensations inside, so much so that you feel that there are only vibrations and no solidity in the body. Mind and matter dissolve. But when some old sensations come up , then again we loose sight of the experience. They put a curtain on them. If we keep ourselves equanimous then the ‘sanskars’ dissolve. We have to continue the meditation to get to know the sensations in each part, the flow of sensations in parts or full body and finally Bhang Gyan. But in each state we have to keep ourselves equanimous. The purpose is to know the ultimate nature of mind and matter, which is changing and in the process to keep our equanimity to rid ourselves of the main causes of the miseries of life : craving, aversion and attachment. These are there in us in the form of ‘sanskars’. These have to be eradicated by knowing the true nature of mind and matter. The world around us is a replica of our body and mind. It is also changing every moment. When you are in the process of meditation you get to realize the ultimate truth: which is Dhamma or law of Nature. It is universal, it is pure love, good will for all. There is no negativity in it. Retired to sleep at 9.15pm.
26.03.11, Saturday:
Morning program was the same upto 9 am. From 9.15 am, Goenkaji conducted a session of Mitta sadhana in which we pray for the welfare of all. Saw a documentary on the opening ceremony of World Pagoda Hall by the President of India in 2009 in Mumbai. It was anchored by Sh.Subhash Chandra, owner of Zee Tv. In the afternoon again we did Mitta sadhana. Goenkaji said that if our mind was equanimous we were bound to feel subtle sensations. In the evening discourse he summarized the content of the course. He said that one had to take refuge in triple gems : Buddha, Dhamma and Sangh. One has to take refuge in Dhamma in oneself. Dhamma is law of nature and universal. Sheel , Samadhi and pragya are the practical aspects of Dhamma. Interacted with other sadhaks . One is from Switzerland, one from Sweden and quite a few from other overseas countries. One is MBA from Ahmadabad, one a professor Emeritus of the Institute of Informatics, one an author, one a physician, one a retired sale tax commissioner and quite a few are businessmen. Kiran Bedi visited the Vipassana Center today.
Could not meet her.I did not advance much in meditation this time, perhaps due to inability to fulfill Adhistan of one hour each during group sittings. Some of the Dhamma sevaks were discourteous. I brought it to the notice of teacher. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm. 27.03.11, Sunday :
After Mitta sadhana, we took breakfast and left the center. Visited MP Bej Baruah and Neha/Bablu at Gurgaon on way back from Sohana. Retired to sleep at 10pm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
