07.03.12, Wednesday:
Arrived Rahaka, Dhamma Center at
3.30pm. Checked in. At 6.15pm, took light khichdi meal with a glass of milk. At
7pm was detailed briefing of the rules and regulations of the Sadhana Sansthan.
From 8pm we meditated in the Dhamma hall under the guidance of Sh.RD Sharma,
assistant teacher and audio briefing of Sh.SN Goenkaji, the Guru of the
Sansthan. We were told to observe the respiration: in-flow and out-flow of the
breath in a small area below the nostrils and above the upper lip. We have to
observe the breath and not so much the place it touches. We should not lose
sight of respiration at any time. At 9pm the inaugural session ended. Retired
to sleep at 10pm.
08.03.12, Thursday:
In the meditation hall at 4.30am. The
strap of my wrist watch somehow snapped. I have to carry it now in my pocket.
You cannot keep an alarm watch. No mobile phone. There is a wall clock outside
in the block of accomodation. During the day in course of group meditations
from 8 to 9am, 2.30 to 3-30pm & 6 to 7pm, Goenkaji insisted that we must
keep track of the breath. We are likely to lose sight of it as our mind
wanders. But as soon as we realize that the mind is wandering we should bring
it back to the breath. This exercise has to go on. It is effective and more
productive if we keep our eyes closed during the meditation. The memories of
the past and imaginings of the future flash into the mind. These are our
sanskars which are coming out and should be ignored as they are evanescent,
Anitya and we should continue to observe the breath. Breath is the bridge
between ourselves and our goal which is liberation from craving, aversion and
attachment.
We could hear the celebration of Holi
in the surroundings of the Dhamma Sansthan by songs, music, drum beating etc.
Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
09.03.12, Friday:
Started meditation at 4.30am and
continued for full 2 hours with a break for 5 mins in between. At one moment
when the mind was free of memories and stopped wandering, saw bright light in
the horizon through a narrow path scattered with dried/dead leaves. Mind was
wandering no more for about a minute. After that it again was taken over by
memories of the past and fancies of the future. Goenkaji said the memories were
the results of our craving, aversion and attachment (Raag, Dwesh & Moh). He
stressed on watching the respiration, how it touched the nostrils. Towards the
end of the practice, he said to watch the sensations it caused in the small
area below the nostrils and above the upper lip.
About 15% participants are friends
from foreign countries.
Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
10.03.12, Saturday:
Started meditation at 4.30am as
usual. Could stop mind wandering for small durations only. In between watched
the respiration. If no sensations were felt, Goenka ji advised to take a
few long breaths and stop them for about half a minute and thereafter observe
the sensations if any. He said that we would feel the sensations for certain. I
felt sensation above the upper portions of the nostrils and in other part of
the face. While I was observing them I noticed the entire nose alit just light
for sometime.When I informed the teacher, he said that my body was opening up.
To sum up the new points during last
3 days Goenka Ji has advised:
1. When mind is wandering, bring it
back on respiration. If necessary, we may have some hard breathing for upto
15mins.
2. If necessary, we may stop breath
for half a minute for observing sensations in a limited area.
3. During the meditation closure of
the eyes helps.
Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
11.03.12, Sunday:
It was very cold morning,
particularly after 6am. Cloudy and chilly too. It has been cold all these days,
unexpectedly at this time of the month. The Assistant Teacher had instructed a
Dhamma Sevak to provide me a chair as I had some problem with left knee. But
Dhamma sevak did not provide. There were quite a few empty chairs though there
were stickers of the seat numbers on each of them, allotted to the occupants thereof.
Most of these remained unoccupied all the day over. I used to occupy one such
empty chair for sometime. On 10th I came to Dhamma Hall after listening
Goenkaji’s discourse in English in mini Dhamma Hall at about 8.30pm. The
discourse in Hindi was still going on. I occupied one of the empty chairs and
waited for the Hindi discourse to be over. A Dhamma Sevak came and inquired as
to what my seat number was. I told him A-2. He said that no chair had been
earmarked for A-2. I said that the seat was empty, so I sat on it. He said you
could not sit on it. I said that the teacher had instructed for allotment of a
chair to me. He said that I should go to the teacher and ask him. I went to the
teacher and told him the episode. Sh. KD Sharma said to forgive Dhamma Sevak.
The teacher evoked awe and inspiration. He looked like Sai Baba of Shirdi. Very
positive vibrations from him. I was provided a chair on the 7th day
of the course. I used it only for Adhisthan sittings during group meditations.
Later towards the end of the course the Dhamma Sevak came and apologized. He
said that despite having reached the Bhang Gyan stage, he had no control over
his reactions & that he was sorry for it. I sad that I had no grouse
against him. I have only love and respect for his service to Dhamma Centre and
thereby to all of us.
Goenkaji guided us to the technique
of Vipassana meditation. So far for the last 3 and half days we practiced
Anna-Pan technique of meditation. I found Anna-Pan a very useful method of
meditation to control wandering mind. Goenkaji said that we should ensure the
following for effective Vipassana meditation:
1. Stable body position.
2. Straight back and neck.
3. Closure of eyes.
In Vapassana mind sees all parts of
the body and observes sensations in the process. The sensations are indicative
of changes that are taking place every moment in the body. It shows the
impermanence of body and the same is true of world outside. You are not now
what you were a moment back. Vipassana aims to get wisdom which in Pali, is
known as Panya or Bhavnamai Pragya. It is different from Shruti or Shatra or
Chintanmayi Pragya. It is experiential. In Vipassana you see from the top of
the head to face, to right to left hands, to the throat to chest, stomach,
abdomen, to neck to back, waist to lower parts to right thigh to the left thigh
to toe in that sequence and observe the sensations as they come and go. The
purpose is to realize that there is a constant change : Creation &
Destruction and so on so forth. There is no permanence. You don’t know whom you
should call ‘I’ or ‘Me’. It is all atomic particles which create and destroy
every moment. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
12.03.12, Monday:
The day went off well in the
forenoon. Good meditation. In the afternoon mind was wandering. Tried to bring
it back by Anna-pan. On the whole it was unmanageable. Why do we watch
respiration or sensation? Respiration is the bridge between ourselves and our
goal : liberation from craving aversion and attachment & Sensation reflects
impact of the objects of senses including mind on the body. Watching sensations
and remaining non-reactive helps in inculcating a habit of non-reaction. The
ground is that it is evanescent. It comes and goes. It is better not to react.
Few sadhaks are seen talking in cell phones and chatting, which is against the
etiquette of the Sansthan. I informed the assistant teacher about it. He
advised the Sadhaks in his saintly manner against it. None was noticed chatting
after that.
Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
13.03.12, Tuesday:
It was quite cold day. It is the 6thday
of the course. The program of the day was as usual. In the discourse Goenkaji
said that during Vipassana we observed the interaction of mind and matter, how
each one affects the other. He also mentioned five enemies of meditation:
Craving, Aversion, Agitated Mind, Drowsiness and Doubt. We get over them as we
proceed in the meditation being conscious of their negative role.
Retired to sleep at 9.20pm.
14.03.12, Wednesday:
Today is our 45th marriage
anniversary. We had many ups and downs during 45 years as the married people
generally have. In fact if you ask anyone, they will say they had more. Our
main concern was to take care of the three boys, born in quick succession in
just three and half years. Now the boys are well settled in life. We have
nothing more to crave for. We wish happiness to all our relations and friends
on the day.
The day had program of meditation as
usual. Goenkaji said that if you kept running away, you would keep on tying
knots.If you watch various parts of body during Vipassana meditation,
these knots will be opened and no new knots will be tied. He further said like
five enemies there were five friends also : Devotion, Effort, Awareness,
Meditation and Wisdom. Retired to sleep at 9.15pm.
15.03.12, Thursday:
I awoke at 3.15am, which is the
general time of getting up here in the Sansthan. Goenkaji said that there were
two important points about Vipassana meditation :
1. Awareness.
2. Equanimity.
Watching the different parts of the
body and sensations thereon develops sharp awareness of mind and watching the
sensations without evoking aversion or craving or attachment results in a
non-reactive behavior, peace and harmony. It does not mean that a Sadhak of
Vipassana could be treated as a vegetable. It means that he is non-reactive but
forcefully active against all injustice. His reaction is not temperamental but
well thought of. Goenkaji mentions equanimity as Samata Bhav in Hindi. Another
point he made today that unconscious mind was the deepest level of mind and
always conscious. The conscious mind may sleep, dream and remain aware but
unconscious mind never sleeps, it is quite active and full of our sanskars,
that is , impressions of our experience. He advised not to create anymore
sanskars by remaining equanimous. The old sanskars which will come up have to
be eradicated as Anitya. The unconscious mind is fed by new sanskars for its
survival just as food is to be given to the body for its survival. But when we
don’t create new sanskars remaining equanimous it consumes the old sanskars as
its fodder and ultimately unconscious & conscious mind become one. This is
liberation: a step towards freedom from misery, birth and death. Birth is
misery. Craving aversion and attachment are its cause and can be cured by
awareness and equanimity and finally reach liberation. Retired to sleep at
9.15pm.
16.03.12, Friday:
Goenkaji told us about ‘Bhang Gyan’.
In this you experience total dissolution of mind and matter. You experience only
waves and waves. He said that through this you would pass through three
different experiences during the Vipassana meditation.
1. In the first instance you notice
sensations from intensified and solidified parts of the body. You continue to
pass through the areas observing the same for 2-3 minutes at each.
2. In the second experience you have
gross sensations from intensified and solidified parts as well as some subtle
sensations from other parts. You continue observing all parts of the body one
by one staying for a minute or two where you don’t have any sensations.
3. In the third experience you
have subtle sensations all over the body. You pass through them piercing by
your mind into different parts of body from right or left or center and watch
the same inside. If some gross sensations are seen inside, watch them for a
minute or two. They will too dissolve.
The same exercise may be undertaken
through the backbone and swept it with equanimity without craving or aversion.
The appearance of gross sensations during the process shows that old sanskars
are coming out. We should see them as they come without craving or aversion.
They will too eradicate. When the ‘Bhang’, dissolution process is complete then
if you touch any place in the body subtle sensations will appear. Do not show
any craving or aversion for them. Just watch them. But this testing by touch
should not be done regularly. It may be done sometime to test ‘Bhang’,
dissolution of mind and matter and existence of only waves. Everything is changing,
destroying, creating and combustion. Goenkaji said that Vipassana gives benefit
to you straight way. You have better control over your temper. Retired to sleep
at 9.15pm.
17.03.12, Saturday:
During meditation I did not observe
any sensations, though mind was comparatively quieter. Today is the 10th day,
not so hectic, though not so free. In the discourse Sh.Goenkaji guided us to
Mitta Sadhana. In this you invoke friendship, love, compassion, sympathy for
all. He also reviewd the sadhana done by us during the last 10 days. After 10am
we were allowed to break our silence, take our mobile phones and personal
belongings and share experience with other sadhaks. I met a number of sadhaks
from different parts of India as also from foreign countries such as USA,
Belgium, Iran, Laos, Japan, Thailand, Finland, Russia, Israel, Switzerland, UK
etc. A final year student of IIT Delhi talked to me about our experiences
during the sadhana for quite sometime. Retired to sleep at 9.15pm.
18.03.12, Sunday:
During Mitta sadhana we invoked
pardon to us by all who might have been harmed by us and pardon to others too
who might have harmed us. This is the most touching part of the meditation. All
of us felt as if much burden had gone away from our mind and we were much lighter
entities.
We had breakfast. I gave lift to
three sadhaks in my car to Metro station in Gurgaon. They belonged to Finland,
Switzerland & State of Meghalaya.
Returned Delhi
Unpacked, attended to pending work. Retired to sleep at 11pm.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
20th
Completed morning program. Visited RML to consult Dr. Swaroop Singh, a skin specialist, Joined a 10 day Vipassana course at Sohna from today. Goenkaji briefed us about Ana-Pan. Retired to sleep at 9 pm.
21st
Completed morning program. The exercise to watch the respiration continued. The closer of eyes helps in the exercise. Retired to sleep at 9:pm.
Completed morning program. The exercise to watch the respiration continued. The closer of eyes helps in the exercise. Retired to sleep at 9:pm.
22nd
Completed morning program. The exercise to watch the respiration continued. Retired to sleep at 9:30pm.
23th
Completed morning program. Continued exercise to watch the respiration with sensations. Retired to sleep at 9:15pm.
Completed morning program. Continued exercise to watch the respiration with sensations. Retired to sleep at 9:15pm.
24th
Completed morning program. Goenkaji said that if the mind was wandering too much, deep breath should be taken and held for about thirty seconds and thereafter watch the breath and sensations. The object is to be aware of the breath. Awareness will take us one day to ultimate truth and consequent liberation from sorrow, birth and death. We were introduced to Vipassana Technique of meditation. Retired to sleep at 9:30pm.
Completed morning program. Goenkaji said that if the mind was wandering too much, deep breath should be taken and held for about thirty seconds and thereafter watch the breath and sensations. The object is to be aware of the breath. Awareness will take us one day to ultimate truth and consequent liberation from sorrow, birth and death. We were introduced to Vipassana Technique of meditation. Retired to sleep at 9:30pm.
25th
Completed morning program. Adhishthan is necessary to achieve the desired result of Vipassana Meditation. One has to sit in meditation without movement, (2)close eyes (3)keeping back and neck straight. The sensations of the body are observed as they come and go in different parts of the body. The sensations come when six senses (includes mind) come in contact with objects. The mind too throws memories and imagination which cause sensations We need not react as they come and go and are momentary.
The four noble truths are 1) World is misery ,2)There is cause of misery (craving, aversion and attachments, 3) There is a way out the misery,4)There is liberation from misery. Attachments are of four kinds 1) to 'I' 2)to 'Mine' 3)to 'My views and beliefs' 4) to my 'Rituals'. The object is liberation from birth, death, old age and illnesses. All they constitute misery. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
Completed morning program. Adhishthan is necessary to achieve the desired result of Vipassana Meditation. One has to sit in meditation without movement, (2)close eyes (3)keeping back and neck straight. The sensations of the body are observed as they come and go in different parts of the body. The sensations come when six senses (includes mind) come in contact with objects. The mind too throws memories and imagination which cause sensations We need not react as they come and go and are momentary.
The four noble truths are 1) World is misery ,2)There is cause of misery (craving, aversion and attachments, 3) There is a way out the misery,4)There is liberation from misery. Attachments are of four kinds 1) to 'I' 2)to 'Mine' 3)to 'My views and beliefs' 4) to my 'Rituals'. The object is liberation from birth, death, old age and illnesses. All they constitute misery. Retired to sleep at 9.30pm.
26th
Completed morning program. Practiced Vipassana. Retired to sleep at about 9:30pm.
Completed morning program. Practiced Vipassana. Retired to sleep at about 9:30pm.
27th
Completed morning program. A Sadhak's five friends were narrated in details by Goenkaji. Awareness of walking, sleeping, eating or any other activity along with sensation/(s) or awareness of respiration be practiced all the time .Awareness is key to Vipassana meditation. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
Completed morning program. A Sadhak's five friends were narrated in details by Goenkaji. Awareness of walking, sleeping, eating or any other activity along with sensation/(s) or awareness of respiration be practiced all the time .Awareness is key to Vipassana meditation. Retired to sleep at 9.30 pm.
28th
Completed morning program.
Completed morning program.
29th
Completed morning program. In the state of total dissolution (Bhang) of body, one experiences only vibrations and no solidity in body. Millions of cells create and destroy in fraction of a second. More cells get destroyed as the age advances. The body heads towards destruction. The Budha and other saintly persons have in the past announced their hour of death after a study of this phenomenon. My father told me one day during stay at Fatehpur with him in March 1991 that nothing was left in his bodyand that it was without any prowess. I told him that he looked bright in his face and that he should stay on till i returned home after retirement in 1997. He said that it won't be possible. He did not tell the date/hour of his death..He died 21 days later on 6th April 1991 at the ripe age of about 87 years. Perhaps he was aware of the process of destruction of the cells of the body. To compel my visit to him at Fatehpur from Delhi so that he could spend some time with me before his death, he wrote me a stinking letter for failing to get Gita and Gilloo married. After reading it Venita forced me to visit him. The letter was a ploy. I stayed with him for about 18 days. I looked for suitable matches for the two girls traveling day and night to different places. His worry for the marriage of the two girls who stayed with him for over 20 years, old age and injury on his sinus region due to fall in the night two three days earlier, contributed to his death. His body did not suffer from any diseases, genetic or otherwise. He could have lived some more years if he was not injured due to fall . Retired to sleep at 9:30 pm.
Completed morning program. In the state of total dissolution (Bhang) of body, one experiences only vibrations and no solidity in body. Millions of cells create and destroy in fraction of a second. More cells get destroyed as the age advances. The body heads towards destruction. The Budha and other saintly persons have in the past announced their hour of death after a study of this phenomenon. My father told me one day during stay at Fatehpur with him in March 1991 that nothing was left in his bodyand that it was without any prowess. I told him that he looked bright in his face and that he should stay on till i returned home after retirement in 1997. He said that it won't be possible. He did not tell the date/hour of his death..He died 21 days later on 6th April 1991 at the ripe age of about 87 years. Perhaps he was aware of the process of destruction of the cells of the body. To compel my visit to him at Fatehpur from Delhi so that he could spend some time with me before his death, he wrote me a stinking letter for failing to get Gita and Gilloo married. After reading it Venita forced me to visit him. The letter was a ploy. I stayed with him for about 18 days. I looked for suitable matches for the two girls traveling day and night to different places. His worry for the marriage of the two girls who stayed with him for over 20 years, old age and injury on his sinus region due to fall in the night two three days earlier, contributed to his death. His body did not suffer from any diseases, genetic or otherwise. He could have lived some more years if he was not injured due to fall . Retired to sleep at 9:30 pm.
30th
Completed morning program. The participants of the course
were introduced to Mitta Sadhana. Retired to sleep at 9:15 pm.
31st March
Practiced Mitta Sadhana.
We were allowed to go home after breakfast. On way back,visited Sidhu to
look up his ailing wife. Reached home at about 9:30 am. Unpacked and apprised
myself with the happenings of last eleven days. Went for a walk for 30
minutes in the evening. Retired to sleep at about midnight.
